Love – the feeling that makes and breaks relationships, brings peace and occasionally causes war, feels amazing and hurts so bad sometimes it’s hard to bear, gives meaning to some people yet seems inherently without purpose – is a complex, contradictory concept. But despite its complexity, it’s also one of the most intriguing and influential feelings we have. Asking people to define it often yields mixed results, as each person has a different experience and interpretation.
The most common definition of love is an intense and often irrational attachment to another person, as reflected in the way we feel when we fall in love. This is based on a combination of factors, including proximity or propinquity (the feeling that someone is near or around), desire (which includes both sexual attraction and the satisfaction of our personal standards and values) and reciprocal liking. It’s also influenced by prosocial mental processes, such as whether we think our partner will satisfy our social needs and those of our immediate and extended families.
However, this understanding of love only describes a part of the process. If all that really matters is the feeling, then it’s something you can’t control. If you or a friend stop hanging out, move away or even get sick, it might not last very long. But if true love is about commitment, respect and dedication, then it can persist despite obstacles. It can endure a long breakup or a series of painful setbacks, and it can include sacrifices like saying sorry when you’re wrong.