Being a SAHM

SAHM (stay at home mom), it’s a term new to me. Used to be known as housewife, I never understood why would anyone wants to waste their time, their youth at home doing household chores and looking after naughty children. I mean, that’s why we have maids and childcare centers, right?

I didn’t know how wrong I was.

Baby E came unexpectedly. I didn’t want to be a mother. Or rather I didn’t feel ready to be one. The responsibilities of a fragile life, the nurturing of a person who would actually do good to this world and not another spoilt brat. It’s a whole new experience, and I was terrified when I learnt I was pregnant.

It didn’t help that I was very disillusioned at work and when I learnt I was pregnant, I knew I had to resign. If I stayed for the benefits of the maternity leave (which is a lot tbh), I will end up being a very emotional and depressed mother-to-be. Lucky for me, hubby was very supportive as he never like my work, which is stressful, unappreciative clients with long working hours.

When I quitted, I thought I could simply freelance while I take care of the baby. I used to freelance, for many years. It should be easy, right?

I was wrong, again.

Being pregnant, is a tiring process. Despite having a very smooth pregnancy, I was constantly tired. It was then, I felt old, with little energy and aching body, constantly.

When baby E came to this world, my perspective of being a mom, changed dramatically. She was so fragile, so vulnerable, yet so precious and lovely. I never thought I would feel emotional, but I was. I never thought I would be protective, but I am fiercely so. Being a new mom, I had to learn everything I can for the first 3 months (kinda like probation lol). I was also struggling with breastfeeding. It didn’t come easy and I had to latch baby every 3 hours, especially after she rejected bottle-feeding. At 4 months, another set of anxieties came as she learnt to roll. The sleepless nights when she grow her two little teeth at 5 months old, starting solids at 6 months old required another new set of knowledge. Plus she became more mobile, crawling around and grabbing everything she can lay her hands on.

Fast forward to today, she’s almost 8 months old, transforming into a little monster who crawls everywhere and grabs everything and stands at every thing she can pull herself up to. It’s a pain to BF her as she doesn’t lies still to drink anymore, but wiggles like a worm. Which I think she thinks drinking milk with a twisted body is a great skill to have -.-“. It just get more and more challenging and I simply got less and less time for myself.

And yet, I look forward to each day. Even when I have to swallow my food just for the nutrients sake and not caring about the taste. When I have to quickly finish my “business” so she doesn’t wake up before I’m done. When I shower faster than the daddy, or waking every night to a crying baby who either had a nightmare, needs milk, gas or simply needs mama. For letting her have a happy childhood, making sure she grows up healthily, knowing right from wrong eventually, is all I care about now.

And so I have been a SAHM for 8 months now. It’s a life-changing decision. One I don’t regret. Despite not being to eat/bath/sleep/shit in peace, a clown/maid/cow/slave/guard 24/7, a smile is all it takes to melt the weariness away, especially when she smiles simply because she knows it’s mama and she’s well-protected.

And now, I think I’m the one attached to my baby lol. I can’t imagine going back to workforce and leaving her in the care of someone else. After all, who would be a better caregiver than the mother?

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