For centuries, philosophers and poets have pondered the nature of love. Now, thanks to advances in brain imaging technology, scientists have a much better picture of what happens when we fall in love. They have learned that there are at least three distinct stages of love, and each involves a different system in the brain.
The first stage of love, lust, is characterized by the release of a jumble of chemicals including dopamine (pleasure), adrenaline (fight or flight), and norepinephrine (alertness). These chemicals make you blush and feel your heart beat fast. This is why the first time you see a certain someone, your heart races and your palms sweat.
Once the initial lust has subsided, hormones like oxytocin, known as the “cuddle hormone,” start to kick in. This is what causes you to want to spend more time with a loved one and begin making long-term plans for the future. This is when many people think they are in love.
When the hormones of love start to wane, they can leave you feeling less enchanted by your partner and even depressed. In this phase, it’s important to be aware of how you are feeling and talk about it with your partner.
Once you’ve made it past this tough phase, you may feel that your relationship is in the best possible shape. You might find yourself doing more for your partner than you would for an acquaintance, and you might be ready to help them through tough times. This is a sign that you have moved from romantic love to attachment, also referred to as “empathy.” This type of love is characterized by loyalty and dedication, and it is often driven by the desire to be seen and appreciated in your community.